The Journey to Happy: Getting There Now!

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This past Sunday we celebrated the lives of the women that have nurtured and cultivated the hearts and minds and spirits of a nation—Mothers! Happy Mother’s Day! In as much as Mother’s Day is a celebration of the role, it is also a celebration of the woman, mind, body and soul. Since the beginning of time, women have been trying to carve out a special niche in a world too consumed with trying to orchestrate our every move and our inner-most thoughts. Too often, it appears as if women are subjects learning how to do the simple, everyday, human things to meet demands that have been structured by men—and it feels weird.

Out of this awkwardly contrived existence come frustration, panic, and ultimately, the unhappiness of how to fit beautifully shaped creatures into jagged and uncomfortable spaces that compliment none of us. When we reach a certain age, most of us are bombarded with getting married and having children. The bludgeoning gong of our biological clocks keep us in an unnatural perspiring pace to fit into a world that many of us are okay with never championing, but society wouldn’t dare allow us to traverse the path of being unmarried, childless, career women without the chagrin of being told of the regrets this decision would bring as we become seasoned women—and so we jump into the race for the ring [wedding], the babies, and the life that keeps most of us away from the journey to happy into the journey of obligation.

In time for Mother’s Day, Jada Pinkett-Smith, joined by her mother Adrienne and her daughter Willow, released the ‘Red Table Talks’ in which they discussed love, life and regrets. One of the most poignant moments in the series premier is when Pinkett-Smith is asked by her daughter about the challenges of being a wife and mother. In Jada’s lofty but reflective response, the takeaways were:

* The more balance we have, the happier we are.
* We are responsible for our own happiness.
* Women have to create new message-ing. We have a right to be happy.
* Meditation helps women to get focused.
* Women have to learn to take care of ourselves first and foremost.
* Communication creates partnership.

As women, we have so much responsibility but our first responsibility must be to ourselves. There is an African proverb that says, “We begin by being foolish and we become wise by experience.” ~Maasai Proverb (@africanproverbs). The hope is that the longer we’re on this journey of life, the wiser and the happier we become.

To view the entire ‘Red Table Talks’ video, click on the link below:

http://www.5min.com/Video/Red-Table-Talks-Jada-Pinkett-Smith-Willow-Smith-Talk-Love-Family-517362771

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Domestic Violence Ready? Set. Go!

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I wonder if there will ever be a time when due process will see the same crime with the same circumstances in the same way at any given point and time in our history.  Due process, a clause found in … Continue reading →

Jay-Z and The Lesson

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The New York Post is under heat…again!  This time is no different than all of the last times; racism as a practice of journalism is always the accusation, and from what I have witnessed, the accusation has always been right (I’ll be honest—when the Post printed that heinous cartoon insinuating President Obama was a crazed chimpanzee being shot down by the hands of the police, their fate was sealed for me—they wouldn’t be getting my readership. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/18/new-york-post-chimp-carto_n_167841.html).

This time around sports writer Phil Mushnick rhetorically asks, “Why the Brooklyn Nets when they can be the New York N——s? The cheerleaders could be the Brooklyn B—-hes or Hoes. Team logo? A 9 mm with hollow-tip shell casings strewn beneath. Wanna be Jay-Z hip? Then go all the way! “  in reference to the fact that the newly honed Brooklyn Nets has a new logo, new jersey colors and they were all crafted and heavily influenced by its minority owner, Jay-Z.

Arguably and obviously, this is not the best choice of words and Phil Mushnick should really work on wrangling this type of emotional manipulation so that it does not continue to spew from his laptop, further jeopardizing his journalistic integrity—if there is any left to salvage.  But, the real issue here is not the racism that can be printed on the pages of the New York Post under the protection of the First Amendment’s freedom of speech and the right of the press, it’s the blinders that the rest of us have placed over our eyes towards Jay-Z and the vicious way in which he continues, with his celebrity, to solidify the Black man’s identity around the world as the ‘N’ word.

From your musical catalog, I’ve ridden with you through the streets of Brooklyn, learned the ins and outs of the drug trade, learned how I should treat my friends and “frenimies”, and I definitely understand the bottom line you’ve taught that the acquisition of money is all that matters in this life. I may not agree, but I get your lesson. Now get mine.

On September 24th, 2009 you appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show. You discussed a cadre of milestones, but the most sensitive topic had nothing to do with your relationship with your father, post- Rihanna beating advice, or your rough upbringing in Brooklyn’s Marcy Projects.  The tension came when the infamous ‘N’ word was debated; and, you refused to abdicate it from your word arsenal and Ms. Oprah refused to accept this word as the nouveau endearment moniker you had described it to be.  Realizing that you were not going to change your tune, the decision was reached to “agree to disagree” by Ms. Oprah.  I was let down because I had figured you were going onto the Oprah Show to garner new fans and to show the world better about Hip Hop, to make your message more far-reaching, but more importantly to learn the “code” of billionaires and resilience, especially Black billionaires, since this is the path you’re on and the status you’re chasing.  Ms. Oprah tried to clue you in, but your Culturally Relevant Aptitude couldn’t figure it out and that’s just “CRAy.”

Jay-Z, even if your wife never rendered a word about your intelligence in her million songs dedicated to you, we all know you’re smart; don’t think for one minute that your intelligence has ever been questioned.  But, what is being called into question is your sense of judgment.  On your latest project, Watch the Throne with Kanye West, you both consciously labeled one of your tracks, “N—as in Paris.”  As two of the most influential men of the 21st Century this is the best you can do?  Well thanks to you, French presidential hopeful Francois Hollande now has your theme song to help him capture the Black vote and that of the disenfranchised Parisians that Sarkozy can’t seem to embrace. Insulting!  Do you think for one minute President Obama would have ever used “Jigga my N—a” as your walking music down the many red carpet White House appearances you’ve made?  Absolutely not!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rT5z_OMaQhg&feature=player_embedded

It’s time for you to get the lesson. As long as you reduce who you are to a racial epithet you will never feel comfortable at the table with Warren Buffet and his friends and you’re going to always feel you have more to prove. Take the pressure off. Get it?

Election 2012…Will You Count?

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This will probably be my shortest blog to date,  but definitely one of my most important.  As Election 2012 grinds away, a lot of the political process has been called to task.  Voter suppression has been implemented in a lot of states and college students will probably be one the largest groups affected by new voting laws implemented across the nation.

Did you know that it was because of the 15th Amendment to our Constitution that African American men primarily, and others, obtained the right to vote, in 1870? That was 142 years ago!

Did you know that women obtained the right to vote because of the 19th Amendment in August of 1920? That was 92 years ago!

Did you know the Voting Rights Act of 1965, which forbade discriminatory practices in voting, was passed after many arduous years of struggle by fierce leaders and people entrenched in a complete understanding of their civic duties and responsibilities? That was 47 years ago!  (http://www.congresslink.org/print_basics_histmats_votingrights_contents.html)

Did you know the 26th Amendment lowered the voting age from 21 to 18 in 1971? That was 41 years ago!

As Election 2012 is a mere 187 days away, it is imperative that you know what your voting rights and requirements are.  Don’t kill your voice by not voting.  Whether you’re a life-long voter, student or even a convicted felon–know your voting rights!  Meet the deadlines.  All you have to do is to click on the links The PoliDay Report has provided, make a calender to place on your refrigerator, bedroom wall or the door to your house to remind you that National Election Day will be November 6th, 2012.  Get your university, churches, mosques, temples, and communities involved.  When the votes are finally counted, make sure that you are one of the numbers in the final tally.

See you at the polls on Election Day 2012!

Go to http://www.naacp.org to register to vote via their “This is My Vote” initiative.

For more information about voting requirements go to: http://www.barackobama.com or http://www.canivote.org

For a complete list of all of the constitutional amendments go to: http://www.house.gov/house/Constitution/Amend.html

“That Could be Us:” The Obama Effect in Love and Relationships

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When President Obama first came onto the scene as a serious presidential contender in 2007, he was [and still is] a god-send for droves of women around the world—tall, dark and handsome, indeed! The moment his wife was revealed and she looked like the women in my circle and I—curvy, sophisticated, tall, and beautiful, his vote was signed, sealed and delivered.

All of the women I know are hoping to find their own version of Barack Obama and equally looking to have just an iota of Michelle Obama’s style (I find myself channeling her style in every sheath dress in cardigan I wear). Every man I speak to about Mrs. Obama compliments her on being, “a strong Black woman” in the most flattering and admirable ways. They adore her physique (what is not to love about a woman who wears sexiness and class as an accessory in every outfit?), her intelligence and the way she compliments the President’s role and status in our country.  We all love the President’s “cool,” articulation, his taste in music, the way he loves his wife and children.  Hip-Hop loves the Obamas because they represent “boss” status and most importantly they represent real love. President and Mrs. Obama are living proof that marriage is the ultimate “upgrade.”

When I’m driving down the street listening to some of my favorite songs, I do my best to learn every word, especially if the singer’s technique is one that I would like to imitate. But then there are those songs that I’d rather not spoil by singing along—I just want to listen to the way the words are crafted and bask in the affinity I have to the thoughtfulness of carefully crafted lyrics. These songs make me chuckle on the inside [and on the outside, too] since I can only imagine how the studio session must have felt.  “That Could Be Us,” by rapper Maino featuring Robbie Nova speaks exactly to the Obama Effect.  In this song Maino speaks about being a better man by having a meaningful, long-standing relationship with a woman based on marriage.  After all, every couple he references has since become married and had children, too (check out the video below from http://www.VEVO.com by clicking on the link below.)!  As if the Obamas have taken a page from the advertisers of Sprite where “Image is everything,” they are reshaping what love means in Hip-Hop culture today.  Some of Hip-Hop’s most revered artists have challenged their own vows of never giving their hearts to a woman (Jay-Z / “Big Pimpin” circa 2000) and have encouraged others to join the married man’s club, also.  The image perpetuated by the Obamas that marriage is fun, beautiful and worth every day of the time it lasts has spilled over into the Hip-Hop culture in a major way.  In August of 2010, Producer / Rapper Swizz Beatz and singer Alicia Keys married. In April of 2008 Hip-Hop Mogul Jay-Z married singer Beyoncé.  Certainly there were marriages in Hip-Hop before the Obama’s but the topic of marriage is sweeter as its top image is as black as our President and First Lady.

Besides the ground-breaking records rappers have made about political issues when President Obama was elected, they are also making songs about President and Mrs. Obama’s relationship in love and marriage and how they would like to have one just like it.  Sure the statistics report that fewer people are getting married, and in the African American communities marriage appears to be a new-wave anomaly.  But, if the Obamas have anything to do with it, we can add marriage in our communities to the list of changes we can believe in under this administration.   Love is as much about the political process as voting and passing meaningful legislation. The Obamas get it and so does Hip-Hop. That is what I call the Obama Factor in Love and Relationships.

Maino–That Could Be Us

The Mis-Education of Mark Judge

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Reality Show Women are Mean Girls…Reality Shows Encourage Bullying!

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On Monday April 9th, after tuning in for my weekly [guilty] pleasure of Basketball Wives, I was more disappointed in Basketball Wives than ever before; Episode 8 showed these reality girls completely bashing Kenya, one of the newer cast members, for her pursuit to become a pop singer.  If you are one of the girls of The Real Housewives, Love and Hip Hop and Basketball Wives Franchises, being a mean girl comes with a hefty paycheck; however, an even larger price is paid every time these characters are given a public outlet to bully others, destroying the confidence and esteem of other members of these shows and projecting the message that bullying is justified when you’re upset and looking to establish “the bottom line” to girls all over the world.  According to the federal government’s initiative, http://www.Stopbullying.Gov, bullying is defined as:

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

Every time VH1 and BRAVO air their highly rated “reality” shows, they are making a statement about why bullying should continue and why it is not only the behavior of children.

The women of these shows, who in most cases are mothers, are rewarded lucrative six-figure paychecks by these show’s creators and producers to “act out” week by week in violent fights where they hurl glasses and other objects that can cause serious bodily injury.  Desperately in need of anger management and mental health professionals, these women catastrophically become enraged over issues that many would call trivial.  Without apology, the term ‘bitch’ is used as the replacement to individual identity, even when it is being used under protest (on Episode 4 of Basketball Wives, one of characters, Kesha, asked another character, Tami, to not refer to her as ‘bitch’ and Tami proceeded to call her a ‘bitch’ three more consecutive times). http://www.vh1.com/video/shows/full-episodes/episode-4/1680466/playlist.jhtml

I’ve noticed the entire time I am watching these shows I am engaged in a full-fledged diatribe with these reality show women.   Why I repeatedly subject myself to this distress is a mystery to me.  This very behavior played out time and again in my profession as an educator. When my students become confrontational with one another, it’s just like watching one of these reality shows except now it’s live! These shows almost serve as how-to manuals for bullying and dishonoring the humanity of others. For example, if someone calls a person “loose” as opposed to making any other claims that suggests that a person may be promiscuous and then cannot recall exactly which word they used to describe the sexual history / behavior, one should throw wine bottles scarcely missing the head of other “non-threatening” people. After all, this is what we’ve seen take place in an episode if Basketball Wives (http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/753796/earrings-out-bottles-thrown.jhtml ). Or, if the new girl confesses to having a sexual tryst with one of the mean girls’ beau, the friends of the mean girl should fight the new girl to avenge the mean girl’s embarrassment—at least this was the behavior we saw take place in Love and Basketball by two of its characters (http://www.vh1.com/video/shows/full-episodes/still-look-pretty/1674232/playlist.jhtml).

While there is no Federal Anti-Bullying law, on Thursday March 10th, 2011, President Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, The Department of Education, and The Department of Health and Human Services hosted a White House Conference on Bullying Prevention (www.whitehouse.gov) and 49 states have passed school anti-bullying legislation.  For acts of bullying outside of the school, these abuses can be addressed via other federal governmental departments and civil rights legislation.  Clearly some of these shows need to be sanctioned by the FCC for poor taste and judgment, but more importantly for showing that it is okay to bully and to get handsomely rewarded for being a mean girl. The drama of these shows draws high ratings speaking volumes about what keeps the attention of viewers today, but there is also something to be said about the fact that these women have, in various interviews, discussed their desires to use these shows to launch entrepreneurial endeavors—Jennifer Williams from Basketball Wives has a lip gloss line called lucid (http://www.lucidcosmetics.com ), Nene Leakes has been seen in shows like GLEE, and many of the other women are in successful real estate and other business ventures.  Those stories are excellent and should be highlighted rather than the contradictory behavior that deflects from the public’s view of these women as viable business women. Instead, episode after episode, season after season, we see wounded grown women and mothers acting out like scared and wounded mean girls.